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Burying a sailor at sea - Any advice?

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redviking
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1771 Posts

Initially Posted - 04/21/2011 : 05:12:00

We lost a young sailor and I wound up officiating his service and organizing the flotilla to take his ashes out with. I'm trying to google protocol, but wondered what the collective wisdom base here would have to say.

sten

Edited by - on

britinusa
Web Editor

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5404 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2011 : 06:14:32

Always a sad topic. Thank you for taking on the task.

Very few have participated in burial at sea. Personally I would wish that those in mind would be in good spirits rather than down at heart. My wife and I have planned that our demise will be an opporutunity to review only those positive aspects of our life. I would raise a toast if it were not inappropriate to Poseidon that he carries the ashes to places not yet visited.

Paul

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Steve Milby
Past Commodore

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5906 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2011 : 06:15:11

I'd ask his family for guidance. They can tell you whether he was religious or not. Perhaps a favorite Bible passage or poem could be read. If there has already been a funeral or memorial service or a gathering of his friends and family, then, IMHO, the scattering of ashes doesn't need to be lengthy.

I found the following sample ceremony online. You can buy the complete ceremony, if you'd like, at the following hyperlink, but I think a nice ceremony could be made with this as a basis. http://www.creative-funeral-ideas.com/scattering-of-ashes-ceremony.html

In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. Genesis 3:19

It consists of an introduction including;

"Life is a process in which we are all linked.
We merge and reemerge.
That which was earth returns to earth.
That which was air returns to air.
That which was water returns to water.
That which was fire returns to fire."

Followed by;

•A Litany
•A Communal Prayer
•A Benediction

You simply have to follow the word by word guide and our Scattering Of Ashes ceremony will lead you through the entire service.
For Example:

Litany:

When We Remember Her or Him

One: At the rising of the sun and at its going down. . .
All: We will remember her.
One: At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter. . .
All: We will remember her.
One: At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring. . .
All: We will remember her.
One: At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer. . .
All: We will remember her.
One: At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn. . .
All: We will remember her.
One: At the beginning of the year and when it ends. . .
All: We will remember her, for she is now a part of us, as we remember her.
One: When we are weary and in need of strength. . .
All: We will remember her.
One: When we are lost and sick at heart. . .
All: We will remember her.
One: When we have joy and wish to share it. . .
All: We will remember her.
One: When we have decisions that are difficult to make. .
All: We will remember her.
One: When we have achievements that are based on hers. . .
All: We will remember her.
All: For as long as we live, she too will live. . .
For she is now a part of us as we remember her.

Edited by - Steve Milby on 04/21/2011 06:36:23

JohnP
Master Marine Consultant

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1520 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2011 : 07:35:46

The protocol should be dictated by the life of the young sailor, or at least by the wishes of the family. A celebration of the short life of the young sailor, perhaps by a relevant reading, would be appropriate in the ceremony for scattering of the ashes at sea among this flotilla you've organized.

My late dad chose to have his ashes scattered at sea off New York City, his birthplace and workplace for his entire life which was all at one company! A service was hired for this, and a simple prayer was read, with no family in attendance. May he rest in peace!

Edited by - on

delliottg
Former Mainsheet C250 Tech Editor

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4479 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2011 : 11:21:00

Both of my parent's ashes were scattered at sea. My father's were done by the USN off of the USS Carl Vinson about 80nm west of San Francisco, they filmed the entire ceremony for us, and provided the GPS coordinates (one day I'll drop a wreath there). My mother's ashes were done by my little sister with Rita & me off the stern of SL. She told us she wanted to be able to swim with dolphins and visit my dad, so that's what we did. All the ceremony had been done at wakes for both of them with lots of family involved, so the casting to sea was fairly simple for both. Some of my mom's favorite things were inclement weather, especially rain, and trains. We were blocked getting down our river by the railroad's bascule bridge while waiting for a train to go by on a very-very foggy, rainy morning. I think she would have been pleased.

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redviking
Master Marine Consultant

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1771 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2011 : 12:40:27

Hmmm.... interesting. I should have clarified a bit more and will do when I am sitting at a 'puter and not my smartphone. Not religious, but I think I have the ceremony down. My question about traditions. Like ring the bell 8 times to signify a watch change. Fire three flares. Should I ask the Coasties? Floating wreath and a nip to Neptune. Rose petals, and assembling the flotilla in a circle before placing wreath and soluble vase containing ashes in center from dingy. No need to toss the youngun. Note lat and long and record position and date/time on chart to be given to parents - check. Any other salty traditions I don't know about?

Sten

Edited by - on

redviking
Master Marine Consultant

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1771 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2011 : 12:42:36

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by britinusa
 Always a sad topic. Thank you for taking on the task.

Very few have participated in burial at sea. Personally I would wish that those in mind would be in good spirits rather than down at heart. My wife and I have planned that our demise will be an opporutunity to review only those positive aspects of our life. I would raise a toast if it were not inappropriate to Poseidon that he carries the ashes to places not yet visited.

Paul
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Thanks Paul. I will use that.

Sten

Edited by - on

Stinkpotter
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Djibouti
9082 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2011 : 15:07:55

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by redviking
 ...Fire three flares. Should I ask the Coasties?...<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">I'd certainly ask first, but I think I'd abandon that one. How 'bout one whistle--"Leaving you on my port."

Edited by - on

PCP777
Master Marine Consultant

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1225 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2011 : 06:52:33

Hey guys, have a friend who is a Funeral Director so I asked him for help with this....

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Good morning Pete,

That is a commendable task. I think a Humanistic approach for your service would be the answer, especially not knowing the deceased or families' religious beliefs. A common order of service is opening remarks, a reading/poem(or scripture), open floor for brief memories/personal remarks(I'm a believer in allowing everyone to participate), another reading/poem(or scripture), then placing the cremated remains in the water.

This link may be helpful reading http://www.google.com/search?q=human...rlz=1I7ADSA_en

A couple of other links are http://www.google.com/search?q=human...rlz=1I7ADSA_en

I really liked this
http://www.funeral-poems.net/funeral...aman-fisherman

I hope this helps you. One other thought to share is when it comes time for placement of the cremated remains in the water, please consider using a biodegradable container. This container is placed in the water and dissolves allowing the ashes to settle in the water. Opening a container and pouring out with any wind might cause a "blowback" of ashes on people. Also using a wreath that is comprised of a biodegradable oasis and free from chemicals.<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Edited by - on

Stinkpotter
Master Marine Consultant

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Djibouti
9082 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2011 : 08:13:23

Do not stand by the sea and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand by the sea bereft
I am not there. I have not left.

Adapted (by me) from Mary Elizabeth Frye - 1932

Edited by - on

redviking
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1771 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2011 : 08:25:18

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by PCP777
 Hey guys, have a friend who is a Funeral Director so I asked him for help with this....

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Good morning Pete,

That is a commendable task. I think a Humanistic approach for your service would be the answer, especially not knowing the deceased or families' religious beliefs. A common order of service is opening remarks, a reading/poem(or scripture), open floor for brief memories/personal remarks(I'm a believer in allowing everyone to participate), another reading/poem(or scripture), then placing the cremated remains in the water.

This link may be helpful reading http://www.google.com/search?q=human...rlz=1I7ADSA_en

A couple of other links are http://www.google.com/search?q=human...rlz=1I7ADSA_en

I really liked this
http://www.funeral-poems.net/funeral...aman-fisherman

I hope this helps you. One other thought to share is when it comes time for placement of the cremated remains in the water, please consider using a biodegradable container. This container is placed in the water and dissolves allowing the ashes to settle in the water. Opening a container and pouring out with any wind might cause a "blowback" of ashes on people. Also using a wreath that is comprised of a biodegradable oasis and free from chemicals.<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Thanks.... the links didn't work. But we're all good. Found the right kind of wreath and rose petals, etc. Urn will disolve slowly and sink eliminating blow back. We have two sail and two massive powerboats in our flotilla. I will anchor and jump in the dink with a family member and row to the center of the group wherein we will commit him to the sea using Paul suggestion.

sten

Edited by - on

redviking
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1771 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2011 : 08:27:45

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Stinkpotter
 Do not stand by the sea and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand by the sea bereft
I am not there. I have not left.

Adapted (by me) from Mary Elizabeth Frye - 1932
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Thanks! I chose this -

Miss me, but let me go
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free
Miss me a little - but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love and friendship that we once shared
Miss me - but let me go
For this is a journey that we must all take
And each must go alone
It's all a part of the master plan
A step on the road to home
When you are lonely, and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me - but let me go

sten

Edited by - on

PCP777
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1225 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2011 : 08:33:04

Very sorry for your loss Sten.

Edited by - on

bigelowp
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1788 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2011 : 17:48:13

My late father had to do several during WWII and followed the Navy's "Blue Jacket Manual" protocol. Have no idea if the Navy still has such a book/manual. Other than that I would consult with a Priest/Pastor for advise, especially related to what NOT to do. Above all make sure everyone focuses on the lighter/brighter side of his life!

Edited by - on

tinob
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1883 Posts

Response Posted - 04/24/2011 : 13:39:14

And be there any wind present always turn your back to it as you release the ashes.

respecfully
val on Calista #3936

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redviking
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1771 Posts

Response Posted - 04/25/2011 : 07:00:31

Whew! Glad that is over! Was my first trip as a celebrant and I nailed it! We had just a hair over a hundred outside at the marina under a large canopy that is part of the restaurant.

As it was a secular service, there were no bible readings or any of that kind of stuff. I opened with why a secular service was necessary as it is normal for people to need to gather and collectively grieve. Asked that everyone try to keep it brief and uplifting. Given that the 22 YO deceased died in a horrific motorcycle accident that was undoubtedly his fault due to high speed and alcohol consumption, I gently reminded his friends to not use the space for anger.

His girlfriend shakily read a peom and then we commenced with tributes. The marina manager played amazing grace on his guitar and harmonica and also sang "Freebird." One of our friends, a young guy in school who is black and the self proclaimed "Black Dolphin" after his love of water based activities, sang a beautiful song accappella.

We had about 8-9 tributes total and then I closed with a toast to Billy as it was almost noon. The restaurant distributed cups of Budweiser and we toasted Billy and then started the next piece, which was organizing the flotilla. We took out almost 70 people on 6 yachts. Two large power yachts, one big ass Cat, and three monohulls. The Parents and Grandparents, and Billy in his salt urn rode out with us. We lead the flotilla with the dinghy in tow. All captains were asked to monitor 69.

As we neared a spot I thought was good, I announced that I would be dropping my hook at 13:30 and that the other vessels should group loosely aft. Mom and Dad climbed into the dink with me along with a simple but beautiful rose and daisy wreath and a bag of rose petals. The salt vase/urn was passed into the dink as my wife slowly rang 8 bells.

we had a small screw up with the beer. Billy lived on A dock and 4 of the six vessels were leaving from A dock, but we were on C dock and beer, water, ice and carnations to toss were supposed to be delivered to all captains prior to departure. Billy must have decided to take care of his dock first because both dock carts full went to A dock, leaving us with no Budweiser to offer Neptune. Billy's Dad just muttered something about how Billy was still f---ing with him and we all laugh as we enjoyed Full Sail IPA from Oregon. Neptune enjoyed his too.

Anyhow, the Mom carefully laid the wreath into the water, followed by the salt urn, and then poured a Full Sail IPA into the middle of it all. Mom and Dad tossed 20 bucks worth of rose petals in as the vessels from A dock tossed in the carnations that were in the dock carts. MV Mr. Wrinkles from C dock had none. Oh well, the best laid plans. I tossed in a Greek Captains had that someone gave me a few years back and hit the handheld with a brief toast on 69.

Then it was back to the mothership, I pulled the hook and we set for the marina and the reception that was to follow the flotilla. I set the jib, Grandpa wanted the helm and drove all the way back - we were motorsailing. We were about halfway back when we noticed one of the vessels still sitting back where we were. They probably were rolling a big fatty, but we later found out the girlfriend wanted to go swimming with Billy.

Anyhow, pulled in exactly as planned 14:30 and my responsibilities were over. Whew! What a relief! Everything went EXACTLY as planned, except for the dock cart/beer problem. Everyone just went beserk because my wife and I put this all together in under 48 hours. The family was simply unable to help, define, provide direction of any sort. We just had to wing it.

Would I do it again? Absolutely! A rich man cannot buy that service. We had over 4 million bucks worth of boats out there! The kid was truly remarkable and touched SO many people. People from 20-78 got up and spoke. But his farewell service really was a tribute to his incredible spirit and well lived short life.

If you have not yet considered a burial at sea - I strongly recommend it - It was simply beautiful.

Billy's last known position - April 23, 2011 - 13:40 - N 27.46.060 - W 82.36.043 - Fair Winds Billy!

sten

Edited by - redviking on 04/25/2011 07:06:01

Stinkpotter
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Djibouti
9082 Posts

Response Posted - 04/25/2011 : 11:03:47

Well done, Cap!

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redviking
Master Marine Consultant

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1771 Posts

Response Posted - 04/25/2011 : 16:33:25

[quote]Originally posted by Stinkpotter
 Well done, Cap!
[/quote

Thanks! Takes one to know one! We have to do what we have to do. That's what seperates sailors from lubbers... 'Tis what we do...

sten

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