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waterbaby
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USA
168 Posts

Initially Posted - 05/10/2012 :  17:18:07  Show Profile
Once upon a time I had a horse named Storm Dancer. I'd dreamed about having my own horse and hubby wanted to make me happy and was very enthusiastic about the whole process of buying the horse and getting all the necessary equipment.

I loved that horse, she was beautiful to me and just being in the pasture with her made me so happy. Every chore, every accommodation I made to keep her healthy and strong was a pleasure. Horses are expensive to keep and Hubby was very supportive and understanding of the costs, but he was allergic to dust. Within 5 minutes of being near her he would start sneezing and it just wouldn't stop. He rode with me a few times using a friend’s horse, but quickly decided that it just wasn't for him. No problem, it was my hobby anyway. One horse - one rider, no problem. Then it started.

Why do you have to spend so much time in the barn? Do you really need to go riding today? You spend too much time with that horse.

Eventually I had to sell the horse because hubby didn't share my enthusiasm and finally began to resent the time, energy and money that went into keeping her. It made me very sad to do it and I still miss her all these years later but really it was very impractical...

I should have named my boat Storm Dancer...

1986 TR/SK #5250 Sunshine

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OJ
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
4382 Posts

Response Posted - 05/10/2012 :  17:41:51  Show Profile
<blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"><i>Originally posted by waterbaby</i>
<br />I should have named my boat Storm Dancer...
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">There's a ritual for renaming a boat . . .

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dmpilc
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
4593 Posts

Response Posted - 05/10/2012 :  17:58:15  Show Profile
Go for it! If you had told us that story first, it would have been a winner hands down.

Edited by - dmpilc on 05/10/2012 17:59:42
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waterbaby
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USA
168 Posts

Response Posted - 05/10/2012 :  18:33:17  Show Profile
OJ, David! Please! I'm trying to wallow in self pity and you guys are making me laugh! Stop it!

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Stinkpotter
Master Marine Consultant

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Djibouti
9080 Posts

Response Posted - 05/10/2012 :  19:21:06  Show Profile
I agree! We're serious! The best boat names sometimes come in the dark of night, from the depth of the soul... and usually it takes a while. My current boat took five months to build and deliver, and I still didn't have the name for her. On the radio, I was saying, "Mystic highway bridge, Mystic highway bridge, this is Whatsername." (One bridge operator was laughing so hard he couldn't get through a reply. They have boring jobs.)

If not this boat, the one you move up to!

Edited by - Stinkpotter on 05/10/2012 19:27:56
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Voyager
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
5371 Posts

Response Posted - 05/10/2012 :  21:05:45  Show Profile
I think it's an inspired and meaningful name. Our feelings and longings are important to us, one and all.

When I was a kid my friends and I used to make up stories about the Adventures of Bold Voyager, you know, pirate ships, sword fights and swashbuckling.

I've always held those days and stories close in my heart. When I finally got my 16 footer when my kids were still small we made more stories. I don't even remember what her original name was - I quickly peeled the stick-on letters and without much fanfare she became our Bold Voyager - a little boat with a lot of chutzpah!

Hence my handle here in this forum...

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Davy J
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1511 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  04:20:09  Show Profile
<blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">I should have named my boat Storm Dancer...<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
Is this because you miss the horse, or is it because your hubby doesn't enjoy the boat......?

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JimGo
Admiral

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USA
962 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  05:59:27  Show Profile
I'm with the others, that's a great name for the boat. And the boat and a horse share many of the same properties, including wild rides.

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waterbaby
Navigator

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USA
168 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  06:45:42  Show Profile
Seriously, I still miss that horse. She was a beautiful wild thing when I got her and she had a natural high footed prancing action when she trotted that stole your heart. The first time she came to me willingly and let me touch her is one of those special moments in my life. Every time I think of her I get a lump in my throat. I couldn't use that name ever again, there'll never be another Storm Dancer in my life, she was too special. Besides wouldn't that name be sort of like a taunt to Neptune? Sure wouldn't want to tempt fate with a name like that on a boat.

Voyager - thanks for understanding and I think your story is really cool! Our experiences and influences in youth shape who we are. The sail boat is another childhood influence that I didn't fully recognize until a few years ago.

Davy, hubby enjoys everything about the boat except sailing... or motoring... or spending any significant time for any reason on the boat. The issue is really much more fundamental than the boat itself though. Basically he's just not an outdoors kind of guy. How can I make this boat seem like our living room at home? I'm beginning to believe the boat is going to be just like the horse, it's the same pattern repeating itself.

I'm going to have to learn to single hand - I'll be leaning on you guys for sure for that. I think my biggest challenge regarding that is lowering and lifting the engine. It's too heavy for me. Then I need some electronic toys to entertain him with, a comfortable recliner like chair and A/C that doesn't need dock power to operate. Is this possible in a 25?

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JimGo
Admiral

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USA
962 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  07:03:21  Show Profile
When you're out on the water, everything gets cooler. You're surrounded by a thermodynamic mass that is significantly cooler than the surrounding air, and you'll be amazed at how much more comfortable it is out there. You may not need an A/C for out on the water.

As for the chair, have you seen the [url="http://www.westmarine.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?productId=80610&catalogId=10001&langId=-1&storeId=11151&storeNum=50821&subdeptNum=50822&classNum=50828"]Go-Anywhere seats? [/URL]

Lowering and lifting the engine, if you have a bracket, shouldn't be that difficult. You may be able to get better/more appropriate springs that make it easier (unless you're talking about tilting the engine, in which case some engines can be had with power tilt)

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Davy J
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1511 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  07:06:27  Show Profile
<blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"> except sailing... or motoring... or spending any significant time for any reason on the boat.<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
I don't have this problem, so I can't be of much help. I will say that my wife hated sailing at first. Mostly because she was afraid of the unknown. Once she realized the boat wasn't going to flip over, she became more comfortably and now she actually enjoys the sailing. I am sure some others here have a similar problem with their partner, so hopefully they can help some.

<blockquote id="quote"><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">I think my biggest challenge regarding that is lowering and lifting the engine. It's too heavy for me.<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></font id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
Someone on the forum came up with a block and tackle system to help raise and lower the motor. I do not remember who it was.

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Prospector
Master Marine Consultant

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Canada
3159 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  07:28:48  Show Profile  Visit Prospector's Homepage
As soon as you find a guy who will help you with the outboard and loves sailing, this will go one of 2 ways...

That aside, Look into a flatscreen monitor mount for the Fwd bulkhead, and see if you can find a wireless flatscreen he can connect to with his laptop. Also let him know you want to upgrade the GPS, windspeed/direction, etc stuff and need his electronics expertise. Basically give him ownership of the tecchie bits. Get him a good book on the physics of sailing and ask him if he understands teh bits on sail shapes and foils since you can't seem to tweak things just right.

Oh, and don't talk about sailing 24/7.

My wife still won't come on the boat much, but this approach - giving her things that are hers to own - has helped. And I act like I'm really interested in Girl Guides so I'm not always talking about my thing at the risk of alienating her.

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dmpilc
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
4593 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  08:10:27  Show Profile
Regarding the outboard, what motor is it and which mount do you have, i.e. how many springs does it have.
Our boat had a motor too heavy for the mount, so the prior owner (PO) added a 4:1 block and tackle to the stern rail and the motor handle to assist with raising and lowering. Doesn't have to be fancy, or expensive.

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Prospector
Master Marine Consultant

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Canada
3159 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  08:13:25  Show Profile  Visit Prospector's Homepage
One of these might get him more interested in sailing as well: http://www.pridemarine.com/index.cfm?category=11404|11184&product=10376619&code=Naut%204387

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JimGo
Admiral

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USA
962 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  08:31:20  Show Profile
David, something like this? http://www.harborfreight.com/general-purpose-rope-hoist-45076.html

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dmpilc
Master Marine Consultant

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4593 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  08:44:24  Show Profile
Something like that.

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dlucier
Master Marine Consultant

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Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
7583 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  08:48:37  Show Profile
It is rare to find a couple who share the exact same degree of passion for sailing, or anything really, so it might eventually become a one sided affair. Most of the sailors in my marina are singlehanders including one very accomplished woman who sails in conditions that would keep most men at home. She sails every chance she gets, weekends, after work, and in the decade I've known her, I've only met her husband once when she needed a gorilla to remove her outboard. Other that that, he never sails with her. I known this other singlehander for almost 17 years now and I've only seen his wife once in that time.

As for me, my wife is not a fan of sailing as she too isn't the outdoorsy type. You should see her when me and my girls drag her tent camping every year as her idea of "roughing it" is staying at a Motel 6 instead of a Holiday Inn!

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pfduffy
Captain

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USA
317 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  10:38:36  Show Profile
While it may not be best practice, there is no reason that you could not simply leave the outboard in the down position. Yes, you will lose some speed when sailing and yes you will have to contend with growth on the lower unit, but if you can't raise and lower the motor, then just leave it down! Ultimately, you should consider getting the appropriate mount from Catalina Direct for the weight of the motor.

Even though (or perhaps because) my boat has been in my wife's family since it was new, she does not really enjoy sailing. She does, however, understand my love for sailing. As a result, I single hand or sail with my 5 and 11 year old children about 90% of the time. It works for both of us. She gets a quite house for a few hours and I get to enjoy the boat. Single handing is not difficult and gives a real sense of accomplishment. I highly recommend it!!

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delliottg
Former Mainsheet C250 Tech Editor

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USA
4479 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  11:11:10  Show Profile  Visit delliottg's Homepage
My wife is similar to your husband. She was originally enthusiastic about the boat, but lost interest quickly. Now she mostly considers it a chore instead of a joy. I'm learning to deal with this, I had hoped it'd be something we'd both enjoy a lot, and possibly transition to a larger boat to retire onto. I don't think that's going to happen now. I might convince her to cruise for a couple of years, maybe, but not as a lifestyle. I hope you can come up with an arrangement that's mutually satisfactory for you and your husband.

Regarding the outboard bracket you've gotten some good advice. When we're out sailing, I almost never raise my outboard, there's simply too much going on around me to have to lower & lock the outboard into it's down position if something goes awry. I've only had this happen once, but I was very glad to already have it locked into the lower position when I needed to start it and scoot. Yes, I lose some speed due to the drag, but I don't really care. If I were sailing long distances, I might.

The best solution would be to get a bracket that's designed for the weight of your outboard. Assuming you have easy access to the transom, like on your trailer, you could remove and mount a new one easily over a weekend. I've been really happy with our Garelick for our Tohatsu 9.8. It's easy to lower & raise the outboard, of course you need to take that with a grain of salt, I'm a big guy, and I don't think Rita's ever even tried to do it. Simply stepping on the handle and pushing it the right way would be enough to lower it, but not so easy to release it that way. You could probably do it with the tip of your toe and pulling up with the top of your foot, maybe.

Edit: I just talked to Rita, and she has lowered and raised our outboard. She thought it was pretty easy once I showed her how. She's quite small, about 5' tall & 120 lbs.

Edited by - delliottg on 05/11/2012 12:44:58
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Chakana
1st Mate

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USA
62 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  11:22:40  Show Profile  Visit Chakana's Homepage
That story made me tear up.
Maybe some of us girls ought to just take off across the horizon...
P.S. Horses were my first love also. Started a riding stable in the city, put myself through college teaching riding lessons and summer camps for kids. (we have a lot in common!)

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dmpilc
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
4593 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  15:13:51  Show Profile
My wife's love is horses. For almost a year now, I've been volunteering with her once a week at a therpaeudic horseback riding facility for handicapped children. We help feed the horses and I help out with some of the farm maintenance chores. There are anywhere from 22-24 horses at any given time.
Last summer, we were in northern Ala. at Weiss Lake for a C-22 regatta and I noticed a lady who had helped save us a slip for the boat had what looked like a lead rope in the back of her pickup. I struck up a conversation about horses and mentioned what I was doing with my wife. I also mentioned a new horse that had just recently arrived at the farm, a big, gentle black draft horse named Muffin (big like a Clydesdale). We call him Muffin Man so he won't get self-conscious about his name. After describing the horse, she exclaimed that she had watched Muffin grow up! How about that for coincidense. For you other horse lovers, he is an American Warmblood and Percheron mix, 16.2 hands and weighing a bit over 1,200 lbs.
Here's a link to their website:
http://www.saddleupnashville.org/


Edited by - dmpilc on 05/11/2012 15:28:11
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Stinkpotter
Master Marine Consultant

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Djibouti
9080 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  15:21:36  Show Profile
Just don't name her <i>Wind Dancer</i>... unless you want 4-5 other boats responding whenever somebody hails you on the VHF!

Edited by - Stinkpotter on 05/11/2012 15:22:13
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glivs
Admiral

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USA
836 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  18:04:05  Show Profile
My wife also is not really into sailing but within certain guidelines e.g., no healing, on occasion does enjoy it. One of her/our favorite overnight escapes is a small but well protected rocky cove less than three miles from our mooring. The cove is surprisingly private, a good anchorage, and we can be home the next morning. Only two private moorings. Very often when the evening begins to cool down, we witness a silver haired woman I would guess mid-70's (but age is of no consequence) walk down out of the trees (no houses are visible from the water because they are set back in), row her dingy out a few yards to her boat - I do not know its make, but it is probably a 25-26 ft black hulled beauty reminiscent of a Herreshoff design with a bronze-colored aluminum mast; roller furler, and in-boom furling. The name on the side is <i>Priscilla</i>. She sails out into the lake until near dark and then returns, typically sailing onto her mooring, secures her boat and rows back to shore. She is a true inspiration.

My point is if this is important to you, work out whatever conversations and logistics are needed and make it happen.

As for handling the outboard....I agree that leaving it down while sailing is a good idea. At your slip/mooring, however, here is another option from the archives to consider....simple and effective: [url="http://catalina-capri-25s.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=11987&SearchTerms=axe,handle"]motor lifting tool[/url]. Unfortunately, the pics are now thumbnail size, but you should get the idea.

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waterbaby
Navigator

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USA
168 Posts

Response Posted - 05/11/2012 :  19:28:37  Show Profile
Thanks everyone. I can see I'm not alone in this problem, and I really appreciate your advice and encouragement. You guys are always so thoughtful. I was definaltly feeling pretty sorry for myself but now I'm feeling much more hopeful. After all, several of you have a simular situation but have managed to make it work. Just to clarify, hubby is definately a keeper no matter what. ;)

We had a serious talk tonight and basically he says he doesn't dislike sailing, he just doesn't LOVE it like I do. He did admit that he finds it uncomfortable when we're out for more than an hour or two and that he wishes we had more creature comforts on the boat. I think I've been guilty of thinking of these things as more trivial. I've been so focused on the mechanical and functional repairs that I haven't spent much time on the comfort items. His comments were very fair.

His biggest complaint was actually the lack of shade both while docked and while sailing. I made a new bimini cover for our frame last year but with our tall rig the frame can't be used while sailing unless I tie in the reef. I intended to try to put in another, lower set of reef points in our mainsail this winter but had so many other things to do it didn't get done. I also meant to pick up a canvas tarp for shade at the dock. Guess what I'll be doing next week.

Thanks especially for the tips on handling the motor. It's a Johnson 9.9 and the bracket looks like it might be the original 2 spring model. I've been investigating the different brackets that are available and it's on my list to replace it hopefully in the next year. I've thought about leaving the engine down and we actually left it down for about 3 weeks once to see how much growth would accumulate and it wasn't too bad but I figured there'd be some other problem created by leaving it down. We've left it down while sailing a couple of times and I don't really like it down but its good to know that it's not a big deal. I'm definately going to be looking into the block and tackle idea or the axe handle. Seems like those might be inexpensive options for this season. Honestly even hubby struggles raising that motor, I think that particular chore adds to his discomfort.

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Sam001
Vice Commodore

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USA
441 Posts

Response Posted - 05/12/2012 :  01:46:44  Show Profile
Karen, I understand and agree with the posts on "stuff" that includes electronics. I would also suggest a glass of wine or coffee at anchor on a beautiful evening!
And, I also am a member of the horse club. Even had two at one time for my daughter. Going to horse shows to me is liking watching paint dry! Sit a long time for a 3 minute jumpinng show.
Hope to sail together soon! Sam

Edited by - Sam001 on 05/12/2012 01:47:32
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Davy J
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1511 Posts

Response Posted - 05/12/2012 :  06:14:10  Show Profile
My suggestion is try turning your “sailing event” into a “boating event”. I’ve added about every creature comfort to my boat as possible because we spend time on the boat. More than just sailing, many times our sailing is just a way to get where we are going. I’ve added a gas grill, propane stove, bimini, auto pilot, 12v refrigeration and 12v TV. When we are not sailing, we are grilling a steak, having a cold beer or glass of wine. Sometimes during football season we go to an island and watch the game in the cockpit. This way you get some sailing, maybe not as much as you like, but your partner can focus on the other stuff. And over time, you can increase the sailing aspect.

Two things that will make time in the cockpit, under the bimini, more enjoyable is folding cushion chairs and a couple of 12v clip on fans.

The point is, sail around for a couple hours, drop the hook, go for a swim, grill some burgers or steak. And then sail back in. You might not get as much sailing in, but you can make it enjoyable for everyone.

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