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Survey-Does your wife/sig. other like to sail?

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piseas
Former Treasurer

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USA
2017 Posts

Initially Posted - 04/21/2008 : 14:59:48

I was reading a prior post where both responses stated their wives don't like to sail. I thought this would be an interesting survey to take. Mine doesn't like to sail either or maybe she just doesn't want to be around me! So I mainly go with friends or solo.
So again, time to fess up.
Steve A

Previous Owner
PiSeas II
2003 C250 WK #692
Newport Beach, CA

Edited by - on

JimB517
Past Commodore

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USA
3285 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 15:03:59

My wife hates it.

My daughters like sailing and come 1 or 2 times per year.

I should mention that my wife, your former web master, qualified for the United States Fencing Association Nationals this past weekend, and so will be competing for a National Championship in her own chosen sport this coming July. She is just as driven and obsessed as I am, but far more fit.

Edited by - JimB517 on 04/21/2008 18:13:21

GaryB
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
4304 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 15:32:26

My wife doesn't hate it, she just always seems to find something better to do when it's time to go so I usually go solo.

I think falling off the dock the first time she saw the boat didn't start things off well. Falling off the dock again at a later time only made matters worse. About the only time I can get her to go is when I bribe her with a nice meal at the Kemah Boardwalk.

Edited by - on

Ben
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1234 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 15:42:39

My girlfriend enjoys sailing with me. She even raced with me many times last year, often bringing good luck. I can't wait to get the boat in the water, still a couple weeks away, unfortunately.

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Dave5041
Former Mainsheet Editor

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USA
3758 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 16:13:29

Chris enjoys sailing. She isn't caught up in the details, but enjoys the helm nearly as much as reading on the foredeck ("Can we tack, the genoa is blocking the sun?"). On their "Women's Weekend" last year they went to Catawba Island and she went up a day before the other wives so she could spend a quiet night on Pearl in the marina. They also requested two of us husbands come up to be at their beck and call as "boat boys", but not to bother them when they weren't on the boat. Our son enjoys it when we are in Florida, and our daughter will do anything to squeeze out a day or weekend to meet us at the boat.

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Tom Potter
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1913 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 16:36:27

I have to keep Knotty Cat locked up so the wife won't go sailing while I'm working!

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Nautiduck
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
3704 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 16:48:28

Pat enjoys sailing. I never sail by myself, we always sail together. She would just as soon relax and read or do the crossword puzzle as take the helm. That is fine with me. I plan to move the winches back to the coaming so I can handle the tacking duties when she would rather just take in the sights.

After reading some of the other posts, I feel very fortunate.

Edited by - on

delliottg
Former Mainsheet C250 Tech Editor

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USA
4479 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 17:13:46

Rita's a reluctant sailor. I'm pretty sure she sails simply because I do. I'm sure part of this stems from her near lack of swimming skills, and subsequent fear of falling into the water. And of course breaking her foot a few months back while docking didn't help things. We both always wear our auto inflatable PFDs, and so far neither has needed them. Although there was the dinghy incident a couple of summers ago where mine would have inflated mine had I had it on... but that's another story.

She likes our sailing trips, but she's more interested in where we're going than how we get there. I have to strike a balance between loafing along in zephyrs and getting to wherever we're going. I don't mind poking along and seeing if I can coax another 1/4 knot out of my sails, she can't be bothered. But one of the reasons I bought the new Tohatsu was because we seem to spend a fair amount of time under sail with the iron genny, and so I wanted something quieter, less smokey, and more reliable. I'd come back from some of our trips smelling like premixed two stroke gas which was unpleasant at best.

Like Randy's wife, she's more interested in snoozing, reading, doing Sudoku, etc. than working the helm, navigating, etc. This is fine with me, we enjoy each other's company, and she steps up when it's necessary, like anchoring, or wrestling down a recalcitrant headsail. She also helps keep an eye out for boats crossing our path, which is important when you're sailing on commercial waters like Puget Sound. I think if we sold (both) the boat(s), she wouldn't miss them, although I think she'd miss the trips themselves.

So far she's been out on every single outing with the Catalia, not so on the San Juan. I hope to do more just going out in the bay & sailing this year, instead of dedicated trips. I may end up doing these on my own, we'll see. I know she'll still want to go on the trips though, and that's sufficient for me.

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stampeder
Master Marine Consultant

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1608 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 17:22:42

When we bought this boat, I fully expected she would humour me for a while - but she is very much into it. She knows as much about sailing as I do and she loves it as much as I do.
Like me, she didn't think that racing would interest her, but we have discovered we are both deeply competitive. The reason we won a racing series is because of her.

Edited by - on

mhartong
Navigator

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USA
152 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 17:34:34

While she will occasionally go along to humor me, I can tell that Rebecca is absolutely terrified if we get out of sight of land (easy to do on the south Chesapeake Bay) or if the wind is over 5 knots and Persephone starts to heel. I also end up going solo most of the time.

Edited by - mhartong on 04/21/2008 18:35:57

Frank Hopper
Past Commodore

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Pitcairn Island
6776 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 17:56:54

Martha loves to sail and is very good at it. If it weren't for the whole slip thing she would not need me. I do sail a lot by myself but only because I stay at the club days at a time and Martha prefers her own bed... thirty minutes away.

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dlucier
Master Marine Consultant

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Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
7583 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 18:45:23

I, along with the vast majority of the sailors at my marina, are solo sailors. I've seen some of the wives once or twice a year, but there are some sailor friends I've known for 12-13 years and I've yet to meet their wives. Sailing isn't my wife's cup of tea either, but she reluctantly joins me on the water every now and again. She was out with me maybe 3-4 times last year. The kids like sailing, but as they've gotten older (oldest is off to college this fall), they can think of better things to do with their leisure time than to spend it with dear old Dad.

Although I love company and encourage everyone I know to invite themselves aboard my boat any time they like, the truth is, I prefer solo sailing.

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glivs
Admiral

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USA
836 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 19:55:20

In good steady winds of 10kts and everything is in balance, Leslie is as excited as I am to take the helm and stays glued to the gps to monitor our speed. In lesser winds, she would rather read or nap. In stronger winds you could not drag her to the boat. We enjoy our after work swims in the middle of the bay (often on the iron jenny) and weekend outings exploring anchorages and homes along the shoreline. She is very good at taking the helm while I set the sails, drop anchor, etc., but otherwise, the creature comforts of home or a dinner out with the girls is often preferred. In her world, the destination is what is important, only on occasion is the focus on the journey itself.

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Dave Bristle
Master Marine Consultant

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Djibouti
10005 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 20:31:19

My late wife grew to enjoy it to the point that if Passage wasn't heeling at least 10 degrees, she was unhappy because we were not making enough way. Parts of that growth were (1) learning on a Sunfish, (2) graduating to a 17' daysailor (still with no ballast that wasn't warm), and (3) being out in some really nasty conditions on Passage and becoming convinced on an emotional level that the boat could take more than I could, and that I wouldn't subject her to more than I could take.

My current "very good friend" of three years was once a sailing instructor, raced on her ex's NY-30 (43'), and cruised on a Concordia Yawl--nuff said about that... except that now I don't have a sailboat! So we're going to sail Beetle Cats on the Mystic River--wonderful boats! (Sorta like full circle back to the Sunfish, but prettier!)

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EAbrams
Navigator

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USA
130 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 20:34:35

Michele loves being on a boat, any boat. Our first year mishap made her a little helm shy. Got clipped by the main sheet as the boom came across. But she was very happy last year on a reach for several hours. she didn't want to let go of the tiller except to drop a fishing line over the side.

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Deric
Captain

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USA
408 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 21:20:06

I think my wife enjoys watching me work on the boat more than sailing; especially when I am stripping paint. Heh.

Last year, I had a 16' day sailor boat; somewhat tender, and perhaps not enticing enough for her to enjoy the experience. Well after I finish working on my new used 25 Cat for the next month, I hope she enjoys the experience of sailing. At least this boat has a head, something she prizes.

My goal is to allow her to learn how to sail at her own pace so that she grows in the experience of sailing.

Oh, and she allows me to talk big.. you know retire and get a huge boat to sail around the world, so maybe she is entertaining the idea of sailing.

Heh, one thing at a time.

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Dave Bristle
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Djibouti
10005 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 21:33:30

Deric: Make sure she experiences first-hand the results of trimming and easing the mainsheet and turning up to ease the heel and even partially luff the sails, to get the idea of how heel can be controlled. Having the hand on the helm is critical.

Then show her the effects of reefing. Harder yet is to get somebody to understand that the further the boat heels, the less force the wind can put on the sails--to the point that, on a ballasted keelboat, there is an equilbrium heel angle in virtually any condition short of a full gale. That understanding takes a bit longer--don't try to go there right away!

Edited by - Dave Bristle on 04/21/2008 21:35:13

ilnadi
Captain

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452 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 21:33:52

let's see. Natalia loves sailing but cannot still let go of her desire to get there and NOW; my meandering ways (or things like sailing down the ICW at 2 knots because I refused to use the engine

) have been known to annoy her.
We originally sailed with me steering and her handling the lines (probably due to the fact I had sailed before and she had no feel for steering). She suffers from vertigo and sitting around is no good, but we discovered she does not get sea-sick if she steers. So now I have no line handler since if she is not steering, she takes a nap. I get to do lines, cook, fetch food and water, take my daughter to the head, etc. Worked out ok, but deck hand #2's pregnancy was rough on the stomach. She could not smell or sit in the boat. She could barely look at it from the dock. So I have been sailing with friends. Now his highness is 2, so hopefully we'll get back to it next fall (none of us are brave enough to sleep on the boat with no AC in NC).

PS: there was something about sharks

but my constant whining about no sharks in the Neuse river and Pamlico sound seems to be having an effect.

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Dave Bristle
Master Marine Consultant

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Djibouti
10005 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 21:40:05

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by ilnadi
 PS: there was something about sharks

but my constant whining about no sharks in the Neuse river and Pamlico sound seems to be having an effect.<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">Did I ever tell you about the fisherman who was dragged of his boat on the Mystic River by a Great White...?

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Steve Blackburn
Master Marine Consultant

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Canada
1091 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 23:42:12

What a wonderful thread. This is something that concerns me allot. I know my wife sails to make me happy as she knows I wouldn't sail much without her. I'm not much of a loner. Even though she does not swim very well she still puts in the effort to at least try to enjoy it and I really appreciate that. Her biggest thing is the fact that she feels the C250 is too small to move around in, headroom is also an issue. Sometimes I wonder if we would have bigger more comfortable boats if our wives would like sailing more? Wives are usually are not into the technical aspect of sailing like we are but rather into the quality time the boat may bring.

My real disappointment is the fact that my 13 year old boy complains every time we set out that it's boring. I try to have him helm but he's not even interested, maybe I put too much pressure on him and he’s afraid to mess up? My 9 year old daughter isn't very enthusiastic about it either. I think we do too much sailing and not enough activities around sailing. I also need to learn to have them participate in the maneuvers more. After all I can just imagine myself just dragging along doing nothing for more than a couple of hours, I would find it boring too! Buying the 2 inflatable Kayaks will help I think, so does participating in races (something new). My deepest wish was that sailing would've been a family activity we would all look forwards too, but it's still a work in progress. I believe I need to leave them more opportunities to handle the boat and they will discover a certain pride and joy in doing so. I need to sit back and chill out dude.

Edited by - Steve Blackburn on 04/21/2008 23:42:29

Dave5041
Former Mainsheet Editor

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USA
3758 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 23:42:37

Nadi, don't let her find out about bull sharks. They frequently swim long distances up rivers. The most inland record for a shark bite his held by a now dead bull shark in St. Louis, but that is a lot farther than the few miles they usually go. No salt water is shark free - they go where the food is, but the risk is incredibly low.

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Voyager
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
5376 Posts

Response Posted - 04/21/2008 : 23:52:15

Cathy loves Passage as do I. She plans our weekend jaunts and on summer weeknights, she wants us to finish dishes early, get an ice cream and head down to the marina to enjoy the sunset and the moonlight in the slip. We read the newspaper or one of our favorite books and I turn on the XM or a CD on the stereo.

The really amazing thing is that her mom, who'd 80-something-plus, likes to sail even more than Cathy does. She's been out with us several times, and a few times when Cathy couldn't make it, she's gone out with me.

Rapture of the deep -- all us sailors have it. Some come to it early and some come to it late.

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Dave Otey
Navigator

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USA
112 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 05:10:02

Julie and I sail together all except for race night we crew on others boats. (lots of lessons quickly) It is our fourth year in this wonderful sport. We began eight years ago with reading and attending as many sailing shows and events as possible together. We took our basic keelboat certification before we bought our C25. All this was done together so we had something to share now that the kids were near flying the nest. We both handle all duties on board so each knows what to do should the other become incapacitated. Our inclinations are for Julie to manage the helm and mainsheet while I handle the rest. We take turns taking Compass Rose in and out of the slip. We belong to the Clinton River Catalina Association and last year we enjoyed taking 6 cruises with club. Most of the club members spouses assist in sailing their boats and this has made better sailors of all of us. I hope we can continue doing this well into our senior years. My recommendation for those that want their spouses to engage more is to have them trained (not by the spouse if you can help it) and join a sailing or yacht club where they can be and learn with others in their gender.
Fairwinds, Dave and Julie Otey, Compass Rose, Rochester, MI.

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OLarryR
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
3466 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 05:11:18

My wife has no way the interest that I do in talking about boats or sailing. She likes to go out generally for short sails of no more than 2 hours. Occasionally longer. We did do an overnight the other year which was about an 1- 1 1/2 hours away from our area (sailing time) and she enjoyed that. That is one reason I completed my extended bunk project because I slept in the quarterberth area and she slept on the main cabin seat cushions and found it rather confining. The other thing which did not realize would be a big deal but turned out to be somewhat annoying for her was that I have a Weems & Plath Atomic clock and the ticking of the second hand bothered her at night. The extended bunk is on the opposite side, so maybe that will be an improvment in sound quality, otherwise, i may have to remove it's battery.

Sometimes when we go sailing, she will be reading a magazine while I am pointing out some of the sights (ie. other boats, etc) so that telss something about full interest in sailing these days. These days, if we did not have a boat, chances are she would not miss it that much. But once she is out there, she does seem to enjoy it...but with moderation.

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Frank Hopper
Past Commodore

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Pitcairn Island
6776 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 07:40:29

In my experience it is a good idea to have wives sail with other women. It is best if it is an all woman crew and even better if they are racing. Few men should ever try to teach their spouse anything, women like to learn from other women. This concept applies to kids as well, if there is a youth sailing program it can make a huge difference. You are not going to let your "tween" take friends out on your boat, (yes, I mean without you), but they can take sunfish to a nearby beach for some fun.

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DaveR
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
2015 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 08:15:28

I really didn't have a significant other until December of last year so did a lot of solo sailing before. Peggy had hardly been exposed to boating before we met, and wasn't comfortable on one. Since December we've been out on the 25 6 or 7 times and when we're not sailing we get out the 14 ft 50 horse Lucraft and hang out on a sandbar or hit J.B's fish camp for a sandwich and a beer. She's totally in to it. Helped when I had it pulled for bottom paint, always ready with a scrub brush. Has many decorating ideas (ut-o!) and is ready and willing to learn all aspects of sailing. She also is ready to do week-ends aboard and is interested in my dream of exploring the east coast of America in a decade or so. I'm a lucky boy .........

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