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Survey-Does your wife/sig. other like to sail?

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Dave Bristle
Master Marine Consultant

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Djibouti
10005 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 08:25:34

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Frank Hopper
 ...but they can take sunfish to a nearby beach for some fun.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">There it is... for just about anyone. Once you "get it" on a Sunfish, you're hooked!

Edited by - on

Renzo
Admiral

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USA
621 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 09:14:32

Sailing started out as a "guy thing" for me. A bunch of guys from work would go sailing one night a week, sort of a boy's night out, to drink beer and bitch about work. When I bought my own boat, my wife and I took Power Squadron boating classes and on the water sailing classes. Kathy loves sailing (My daughter never cared for it) But sailing still has a "guy thing" connotation for me and I value my marrage too much to have my wife as my race crew, consequently I run a male chauvenist boat on race nights.

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JohnP
Master Marine Consultant

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1520 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 09:35:43

Once last August my wife was lured out onto the boat.

We packed a nice dinner and sailed over to an anchorage just off Sandy Point State Park to hear Aretha Franklin give a dynamite performance at the Chesapeake Bay Blues Festival. They even had giant screens so we could see from 1/4 mile away with the binoculars.

One or two other overnighters and that's about it.

Edited by - on

frankr
Captain

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256 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 11:23:07

My wife likes to sail unless the wind is over 18 kts. She likes staying on the boat over weekends and for a week (C36). As for the technical parts of sailing forget it. I have over the years managed to get her to keep the boat headed into the wind (motoring) so I can raise and drop the main, furl and unfurl the genoa. I bought her the book "It's Your Boat Too" 2 years ago - she is on page 16 I think. In some ways I'm lucky - I just wish she would learn more about sailing.

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aeckhart
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1709 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 13:19:51

I have stated that my wife hates sailing, and she does.......when the wind is up over 5 mph. if the boat heals at all she's terrified and wants to head home. I sail a lot with her oldest sister who loves it. When I'm not on the water with the sister or a racing crew, which is kind of rare, I'm solo sail sailing.

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jerlim
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1484 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 13:41:35

My admiral, while not quite as enthusiastic as me, does really enjoy our time on the water. This will be our 3rd season, and this past winter, she made the transition from saying "your boat" to "our boat", which I take as a positive, if subtle, shift in attitude.

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dlucier
Master Marine Consultant

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Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
7583 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 14:07:18

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by aeckhart
 I have stated that my wife hates sailing, and she does.......when the wind is up over 5 mph. if the boat heals at all she's terrified and wants to head home.<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

We may be married to the same person.

My wife knows the boat is not going to sink, but her panic attacks keep telling her otherwise.

Edited by - on

britinusa
Web Editor

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USA
5404 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 14:45:28

this past weekend was an upgrade in Peggy's sailing attitude. In the past the scarometer (inclinometer) was constantly watched, the weather channel loud and clear, and scanning the sky for 'Big Black Cloud is coming our way'. But this past weekend we sailed for about 2 hours with the main reefed and about 50% of the jib out, we sailed beautifully in the winds that wandered about 12 to 19 knots occasionally higher, we heeled over to 20 degrees (deliberatly on my part) and not a squeak of complaint. Instead she was commenting on how well we were sailing.

Dang! I should have double reefed and put out 20% of the jib when we first sailed JD in 05.

Peggy is becoming a natural at the helm under power, still a tad tense under sail and high winds, but you should see her bring JD into the slip! On Monday there was a 15+ knot wind across the ramps, only a few people in the peanut gallery, lines prepared, me stood on the side as Peggy turned JD from into wind to port and towards the ramp. We turned, the wind took hold and moved us sideways, but maintaining steerage Peggy had the boat perfectly positioned for me to step of and secure the boat without a nudge let alone a bump. She tweeked the boat to halt with a short burst of stern power and JD was alongside. No crowd to aplaud, made my day!

I think she is getting to like it!

Paul

Edited by - on

Dave Bristle
Master Marine Consultant

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Djibouti
10005 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 17:35:46

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by britinusa
 ...a 15+ knot wind across the ramps, only a few people in the peanut gallery, lines prepared, me stood on the side as Peggy turned JD from into wind to port and towards the ramp. We turned, the wind took hold and moved us sideways, but maintaining steerage Peggy had the boat perfectly positioned for me to step of and secure the boat without a nudge let alone a bump. She tweeked the boat to halt with a short burst of stern power and JD was alongside...<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
Clap-clap-clap! Bravo! Pretty soon she's gonna want a tiller extender so she can sit on the rail!

Edited by - on

Deric
Captain

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USA
408 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 21:12:39

Steve indicated that his 13 year old finds sailing boring: so does mine.

My son likes to go fast. He would prefer a motor boat. I understand his thinking. For a long time, I didn't get it (sailing). If I was 13 again, I would be looking for the speed as well.

Hang in there Steve, I am sure he will have great memories as he ages and reflects upon the days he spent sailing with you.

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tbosch
Navigator

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163 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 22:15:40

I consider myself pretty lucky. My wife LOVES to sail. She even spent a week of her vacation time last year staying on the boat by herself in the marina.

We got caught during a weekend cruise in 30 mph winds and 8 foot seas. Pretty scary in a 25 ft boat on Lake Superior. It was pretty intense. We hit 10 knots a couple of times surfing downwind under jib alone. I don't consider that a good thing... We covered the last 14 miles to safe harbor in 2 hours. When we pulled up in a visitor slip someone helped us handle the lines. After we were secure he commented that he'd seen a lot of boats come in and we were the first ones that he saw that weren't yelling at each other. We were glad it was over. We learned a lot. We decided that we would do our best to avoid that situation again. But she was in no way discouraged. We had a 15 mile reach the next morning to our home port in 20 knots of wind and she spent most of the time on the tiller.

The kids, on the other hand, don't like it at all. I've got 2 boys, 13 and 17. You would think that they would like it. I've owned Hobie cats for the last 10 years and they didn't like them either. Kids these days! Maybe if I hooked up an xBox and a flat screen... Not a chance.

Todd
1980 C25 SR/FK

Edited by - on

Steve Blackburn
Master Marine Consultant

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Canada
1091 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 23:26:06

Thanks for the comments Deric and Todd. Seems this is normal after all. It's just that I remember being 13 and bothering my dad to rent sailboats every chance I would get. Only once did I convince him. So naturaly I thought everyone in my family would enjoy it, bought the best sailboat I could tow and afford thinking of all the wonderful times ahead. Until the day I had my first mutiny on my hands. First was one of my kids, then the other, then my wife agreeing with them. I was beyond frustrated, disappointed and despaired would be better words.

Before converting my C250 into an arcade, I realized that even at home they whine that they're bored even though we have 3 computers, an XBox, a Wii, ipod, a trampoline, bikes, 50" TV with surround sound etc, and a TV in every bedroom. I bet you that if I could manage to get all of that stuff into the C250 they would still come out of the cabin asking "are we there yet? I'm bored." So what do we do when "we" are bored? We go to the mall, I'm so sick of it!

I think Deric is right, in the long run I believe they will learn to enjoy it. Not that I want to force it on them, but I think it's my role to educate my family on looking beyond the superfluous and open their minds and imaginations to new things.

But hope is not all gone my friends! Things are looking up, and I'm not about to let go. My wife is looking fowards to this season and still agreeable to buying a bigger boat in our retirement years (maybe much sooner). This summer I will be racing almost every Wednesday evening and spending all weekends at the lake with the family. I think we are going through the same steps as most people. Afterall this is more than just a boat, it's a lifestyle change. Vida Nova (New Life).

Edited by - Steve Blackburn on 04/22/2008 23:47:19

Ericson33
Admiral

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USA
892 Posts

Response Posted - 04/22/2008 : 23:51:13

well I may have you all beat!!! The Capri 25 is my wife's boat, the title is in her name, she loves the boat to heal, and she trims the genoa, and the spinnaker. I am just her matainance boy.

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Champipple
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
6855 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 07:06:32

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Frank Hopper
 Few men should ever try to teach their spouse anything, women like to learn from other women.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

I disagree - they like to learn from anyone other than their spouse. It doesn't have to be another woman. If it is a choice between another woman and Brad Pitt giving the lessons.....

Kristin sails more without me that with me. My boat is too slow (not that I don't agree) and unless neither of us are fulfilling an afterguard role it gets tense.

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Dave Bristle
Master Marine Consultant

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Djibouti
10005 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 07:47:54

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Steve Blackburn
 ...Before converting my C250 into an arcade, I realized that even at home they whine that they're bored even though we have 3 computers, an XBox, a Wii, ipod, a trampoline, bikes, 50" TV with surround sound etc, and a TV in every bedroom... So what do we do when "we" are bored? We go to the mall, I'm so sick of it!<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">Kids want to do their things with their friends--not Dad's thing with Mom.

What about hockey... lacrosse... ?

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redviking
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1771 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 08:00:19

Hmmm... Did my wife start this thread to make me appreciate her more? Actually - I know better. Having sailed thru a number of relationships wherein my partner was a non-sailor, I know that it's all about attitude and education. By the time these relationships ran the course of time and eventually ran aground, at least one thing stuck around. The love of sailing. I am in touch with nearly all of my ex's and a couple actually own boats, the rest crew or have some sort of connection with the water.

My wife knows about everything required to operate our old C25 and about 95% on our C&C 39. This means she can tuck in her own reefs from the cockpit, run the various toys onboard - we still need to learn how to use our SSB - and does most of the navigation and planning for our voyages. All fears can be conquered with knowledge.

If you don't understand and/or never explain the dynamics of how sailing works, of course they will freak out when it looks like you will tip over. My wife used to say that life began at 30, 30 degrees. Then we bought a new genny and our C25 settled right down.

Nonetheless, her attitude was based on the knowledge that we had a near 50% displacement to ballast ratio and that the fin keel would provide the ballast and the stability to keep us upright.

Be safe, teach em how to use the radio, how to call for help, how to drop the sails in an emergency, how to come back and get you, how to start teh engine, etc.

Make it a yacht. Let them do curtains, pillows, throws, hang pictures, paint the toilet seat, drill holes when mounting stuff, customize their way. One of the things my wife and the ex's liked about the C25 was her traditional appearance. Teak bulkheads and the oil lamp and other salty dawg nauti stuff

Establish a go, no go policy. If one of you doesn't want to go for weather reasons, don't. This "power" of being able to participate in the reasoning for either going out or staying put, puts the admirals at ease. They are in control too. They can hear weather reports, look online, guage their own comfort level and tell you what they think makes sense. Sure, on Lysistrata I am now comfortable in 7-10 foot seas with 25 knots of wind, the admiral however prefers 3-7 foot seas, but she will take the wind!

My point is, some of you/us could have changed the perspective your Sig O's have for sailing, and some still can change the better half for the better. Teach em! BTW, know the best way to educate yourself in this business? Teach someone else. Pass it on!

Sten

DPO C25 #3220 "Zephyr", SR, FK
SV Lysistrata - C&C 39 - St. Augustine FL for flipping ever!!!!

Edited by - on

dlucier
Master Marine Consultant

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Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)
7583 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 08:07:54

If you want to make going out on the boat attractive to kids, just invite plenty of their friends or cousins along. Virtually every time my kids are out on the boat, we have at least two, sometimes three or four friends or cousins along to make it fun. To make it fun for those guests, I usually have them do all the helming or let them ride up on the forward decks with their feet over the sides.

When we are having a family day, I usually get to the boat earlier, around 7:00am, by myself and I go sailing for about 4 or 5 hours, then return to the marina pick up the crew/guests that arrive around noonish. We then sail to open water for about an hour, throwing in tacks along the way just for fun. Once we are in open water, the sails come down and swim call commences. I've got a huge stash of large swim noodles aboard and each swimmer grabs one and heads over the side. This is always their favorite part of the day, especially for those who've never been on a big lake before. After an hour or so swimming in the water, we pack it in and head back to port. I offload the crew somewhere around 4 or 5:00pm, then I head back out alone for another 4,5, or 6 hours.

I get my sailing fix, they have their fun, everyone's happy.

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tinob
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1883 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 10:47:06

Probably a carefully worded PRE-NUP would preclude all this verbiage.

Val on the hard DAGNABIT, # 3936, Patchogue, N.Y.

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redviking
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1771 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 11:45:11

Quote: "I can see I still have a lot to learn about sailing. Can you tell us more about this salty dawg nauti stuff."

Renzo, should you hijack this or should I?

I'll tell you about all of the nauti aids to navigation if you get my drift.

I mean VMG - Vertical Made GOOD!

Some charts may be required.

But seriously, get those battery operated flickering candles, spring for a scented pillow in one of those stores you need an oxygen mask to enter, make sure the v-birth (hey, I hear it has happened!) is comfortable, new cushions/bedding is a plus, nice pillows like the ones you have at home with fresh pillow cases, a very clean head with air freshners. Some soft music, good wine, good nibbles and a decent meal - not noodles from a can! Anchor away from people in a beautiful spot - i.e. captive audience, and if that doesn't get your S.O. in the Nauti I wanna be a Salty Dawg mood, hmmm.... can't help...

They can look at it two ways, "Oh I gotta go sailing

" Or, "Wrahh wrahh wroom, I gotta go sailing

"

sten

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Stu Jackson C34
Admiral

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844 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 13:59:57

Like many, I get the best of both. Cory likes the boat and enjoys cruising both just the two of us or with our local Fleet. I also do a lot of singlehanding and the past few years racing and cruising with other "guy" friends. Not too shabby - oh, also I do a lot fo work on the boat - I do electrical and other improvements and repairs and upkeep, Cory claims all she does is clean up after me!

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piseas
Former Treasurer

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USA
2017 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 14:36:53

Wow, I had no idea this topic would be so popular. It looks like about 50% of our spouses at least have a moderate to extreme love of sailing. I am so jealous of you guys.
Whats funny about my wife who is not into sailing, is that we actually me thru friends who I invited to go sailing on my first boat 25+ years ago. I was so impressed how she took charge of the tiller. And she seemed to enjoy the first boat.
But with the 2nd boat she dropped interest. Maybe its age but many of you gave me some good ideas on how to get her interest. But I must say when she does go with myself and friends, she has a pretty good time. My kids too, even though not living at home, find sailing boring.
Thanks for everyones comments. They are greatly appreciated. This was a fun topic with not much controversy!

Edited by - on

dreddick
Navigator

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117 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 14:46:37

Mary Lou loves sailing as much as I do. She loves our 25. We took our initial sailing classes together and always go out together. I think she could also get into racing if I was into that. She usually tweaks the jib and works the deck but does take the tiller at times. I do need to show her how to use the outboard and practice a MOB drill, though.

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aeckhart
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
1709 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 14:49:37

I tried weening my wife onto sailing in varying conditions last season. We started out in light breezes with only the jenny, then added the main and finally winds 10-12. All was going well until our club championship in August. She insisted she wanted to go even though we were having a major blow - gusts to 30/35. I tried to disuade her but she was convinced she could stay out and enjoy the ride. When we got to the start line unfurled a tin scrap of genny and double reefed the main. With the first nasty gust and heel she paniced and started to cry. I took the boat in. Frankly I wasn't comfortable sailing in that weather and only two boats of the 14 that started stayed out. Anyway, all the confidence gained over the summer was lost in 15 or so minutes of folly.

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Steve Blackburn
Master Marine Consultant

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Canada
1091 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 19:31:47

This thread is amazingly one of the important and useful information I have come accross in terms of sailing my boat. I just can't see myself leave the family behind every week-end, just like when I see some people fleeing their wives to go off golfing all the time. I think we're getting to formulate an interesting recipe here:

1. FRIENDS: Bring friends for the kids and/or for the wife. We did this on 2 occassions and I now remember my daughter saying how much of a good time she had.
2. CONTROL: Have the Admiral be part of the decisional process (even if only for the reason of getting a sense of control). Get them to a point where they feel confident enough to handle the boat in emergency situations.
3. VARY ACTIVITIES: Stop frequently and vary activities (swimming, kayaking, fishing, eating). Sail only to "get there" and us guys get our fix this way and the distanced to "getting there" shoudl increase as you all get more knowledgable and "adapted".
4. FUN: If possible participate in races if your spouse enjoys competition. Should bring them towards the technical aspect of sailing and enjoy more.
5. SAFETY: Don't be a jerk. Respects the limits. One bad short experience can flush down lots of gained confidence.
6. COMFORT: Eat well, sleep well, make the cabin woman friendly (very clean). Let them decorate so they feel it's theirs (called nesting). I remember my first time out, we had no watch or any time keeping device so we skipped lunch and didn't drink enough water. The result was that we were very tired and easily aggrevated.

Feel free to add your own rules if you think I skipped one.

Edited by - Steve Blackburn on 04/23/2008 19:32:24

John Russell
Master Marine Consultant

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USA
3444 Posts

Response Posted - 04/23/2008 : 19:57:02

Good list Steve. I'd add:

Try not to yell.

Leave the coldies for after the anchor is down.

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